The VORG’s All-Haiku 2014 Season Preview

At ESPN.COM and around the web, you’ll see season previews full of projections, tables, diagrams and paragraphs explaining why your team will or will not be playing in October. I offer you this condensed analysis, via traditional Japanese poetic verse.

Orioles

O’s sign up for Cruz
But its their pitching that will
Stall their ship at sea

Red Sox

Raise your hand if you
Had Sizemore in center field
But Bogaerts key guy

Yankees

Horrendous infield
Improved starting pitching mean
Hope no groundball outs

Rays

Price stays here (for now)
Bullpen shuffled once again
Don’t count Maddon out

Jays

Rotation questions
But potent offense makes for
Many 9-8 games

White Sox

Jose Abreu
Makes this team fun to watch while
Farm system rebuilds

Indians

Lost two-fifths of staff
Can Santana handle third?
They need (Jack) Bauer

Tigers

Prince is gone, Miggy
Back to first but defense lacks
Iglesias’ glove

Royals

One more year of Shields
Hope that Ventura can shine
Offense is legit

Twins

Buxton and Sano
Can Twins petition league to
Just jump to next year?

Astros

Appel, Correa
Can they petition league to
Jump to two years hence?

Angels

Trout locked up but
He can’t pitch and barren farm
Can’t help them this year

Athletics

Parker injury
Puts pressure on Kazmir, Gray
Stadium still smells

Mariners

Why pitch to Cano?
No other scares in lineup
Pitchers must step up

Rangers

Decimated staff
Injured Profar and Soto
Do they have the depth?

Braves

Speaking of bad health
No Beachy or Medlen mean
Untested kids get starts

Marlins

Three great young pitchers
Can’t hide awful offense
Lose all 2-1 games

Mets

Get Harvey healthy
Bring Syndergaard along slow
Top 3 staff next year

Phillies

Fillies: young horses
Phillies: old roster, makes for
Big crash soon to come

Nationals

Fister’s injury
Slight concern, but all eyes on
Harper … MVP?

Cubs

Baez, Almora
Soler, Villanueva
Alcantara . . . whew!

Reds

Hamilton’s on-base
Most watched number in Cincy?
If he’s on, Reds win

Brewers

Wretched defense
And suspect starting pitching
Braun can’t carry load

Pirates

No ninety-four wins
But Polanco and (maybe)
Taillon bring more hope

Cardinals

Taveras delayed
But Wong right on time, Cards are
Class of division

Diamondbacks

Corbin out for year
Shaky staff needs Bradley soon
Trumbo in left? Yikes!

Rockies

Watch Arenado
He’s a star in the making
Otherwise, snorefest

Dodgers

Kershaw must be right
Or it won’t matter how
Much they spent this year

Padres

Cashner’s stuff nasty
Will they let Chase Headley go?
Quentin injured? Yup!

Giants

Slimmed down Panda
As he enters his walk year
Gets a Pence deal? No.

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