With the All-Star Break winding down, its time to step back, take a deep breath and analyze what has happened so far this season. Of course, the VORG will be doing this in traditional Japanese poetic verse.
Red Sox
Lackey’s resurgence
Offsets absence of Buchholz
Will it be enough?
Rays
Lost their Shields but no
Need for evasive action
As the Price is right
Orioles
O’s like R.E.M.?
Losing their division? No!
Have their Orange “Crush”
Yankees
Somehow just six back
Do Jeter’s gift baskets have
MRI coupons?
Blue Jays
29 pitchers
Used already tells you why
They sit in last place
Tigers
Verlander mortal?
Miggy still superhuman
Second Triple Crown?
Indians
Pleasant surprise here
Average offense and pitching
Relief corps needs help
Royals
Brett isn’t answer
To team’s anemic offense
Walks and homers please?
Twins
Still strikeout-averse
Drafted 24 pitchers
Hope they’re ready soon
White Sox
Konerko’s swandive
Symbol of deadwood offense
But Sale fun to watch
Athletics
Pitchers don’t walk guys
Offense is just league average
So far its enough
Rangers
Darvish, Holland and … ?
Garza would really help staff
Will Cruz get KO’d?
Angels
Pujols’ bum foot, knee
And Hamilton’s . . . everything
Pitching rendered moot
Mariners
Raise your hand if you
Had Ibanez leading team
In homers . . . liar!
Astros
League-worst bats and arms
But that farm system is stacked
Hold on, Houston fans
Braves
.500 team since
Mid-April means they’re lucky
Nats, Phils scuffling too
Nationals
Hardly “class of league”
Have to hope Rendon stays hot
Offense needs his bat
Phillies
Halladay broke down
Howard followed soon after
DL dooms this team
Mets
Harvey blazes bright
Wheeler right behind him as
Hope builds for future
Marlins
Nolasco gets dealt
Will Stanton be traded for
Even cheaper guys?
Cardinals
.337
Scoring position average
That can’t keep up, right?
Pirates
Is third year a charm?
Need another bat or so
But the rest looks good
Reds
Ludwick gone day one
Cueto rarely on the bump
Wild card still in reach
Cubs
Remaking the team
As they renovate Wrigley
Which will be done first?
Brewers
Segura, Gomez
Bright spots in a dismal year
Braun can’t dodge scandal
Diamondbacks
Justin Upton who?
Still best in the weak, weak West
Staff needs upgrade though
Dodgers
Yasiel is new “Babe”?
That’ll do Puig, that’ll do
Kemp a non-factor
Rockies
Tulo bubble-wrapped
Only way he’ll stay healthy
Oswalt was no help
Giants
Cain’s been unable
To match prior year’s standard
But numbers look good
Padres
Now that they’ve faded
Will Headley get dealt for depth?
Street filled with gophers